Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

by SimplySharpe on October 15, 2013

I recently saw a post from a friend of mine on Facebook that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I had no idea that such thing existed, but as someone who suffered two pregnancy losses myself, I thought it was a great time to reach out to others who may be suffering in silence. I picked today because it’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Remembering Angels -October 15

Miscarriage is not something many people feel comfortable discussing. I understand that all too well. I have several friends that are dealing with infertility, which is just as sad and difficult to speak openly about.

I think one of the reasons I personally don’t talk much about my experience with loss is that people are quick to shut you down. I understand that no one knows what to say, and to be honest, there is no right thing to say. Nothing anyone says will replace the hole in my heart from either of my losses, just as nothing will help a person struggling to get pregnant be able to conceive. We understand that. What is harder to understand is when people immediately start saying things that sound rational as if we had never thought about those things. It makes us feel like we can’t talk openly about our feelings, and then it just becomes more depressing to try.

I notice how much more introverted I became after the losses or only talk to people about surface topics. I have friends that are on the infertile side that don’t talk about it at all because they get tired of being told, “It will happen. Just keep positive/praying/etc.” Please think before you speak. Don’t you think these people have been positive for so long? Often too long.

You cannot tell anyone how to feel, nor should you try. It’s okay for someone struggling with infertility to feel frustrated. It’s okay for someone who has faced a loss (or several) to feel a little hopeless. No one should pretend to be strong or put on a brave face because it makes other people feel better when talking to them. It’s important to process our feelings and not feel judged while going through these heartbreaking times.

If someone you know has suffered from infant loss or infertility, please be gentle with their feelings. If you don’t know what to say, don’t say a lot. Try these:

– Sorry for your loss.

– I can’t imagine how you must feel. I’m sorry.

– Can I bake you cookies? (Because, you know, cookies.)

That’s it. Don’t try to fill their heads with information that would make you feel better if you heard it or that makes you feel better for saying it. People need to communicate, process and grieve. Let them.

And for those who want to learn more about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance, visit: october15th.com. There are some great ideas for how to participate.

Love to everyone with angels,

Marisa

 

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