Roses are for You, Events are for ME!

by SimplySharpe on September 23, 2009

Yes, some wifeys love when their hubs shower them with roses. Me, I am overjoyed by an Event Pass to New Media Atlanta.

wOOt wOOt.

I ♥ my husband more then words. I would write more, but my excitement already blew up my Tweetdeck. Who knows what it would do to WordPress?

Thanks for playing!

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Momma Said there’d be Days Like This

by SimplySharpe on September 18, 2009

Today was one of those days I cursed my alarm clock for existing. I was running too late to stop for my usual Starbucks and had to suffer through a cup of the crappy stuff work supplies us. Powdered creamer is vile. Seriously employers, providing decent coffee is a motivator.


So is positive reinforcement, but we can broach that subject on another night.


Not getting nearly enough sleep or required dosage of daily sugar, I was determined to make something wake me up so I hit the phones. Part of my job requirement is making 80+ outbound calls a day to spread the word about our fabulous same day service with no minimum order requirement and no delivery fee (you know you want to buy from me-CALL ME!). The other part is getting out an average of 6 *qualified* catalogs a day. 


By noon, I was at 40 something dials and ZERO catalogs. Momma said there’d be days like this… I just hoped they would not fall on a Friday. Not just any Friday either. It’s a high holy day or whatever. The one my Auntie A was going to bring me home for. Except I have no vacation days and so that plan was not going to see the light of temple candles.


To top it off, the LAST “rockstar pass” was sold for New Media Atlanta which means I do not get to stop at Go, collect $200 or meet Chris Brogan. 


I have been holding off on my registration for a few reasons. The first is my role as an inside sales rep does not allow me to be out all day even though it’s the Social Media Event of the Year in Atlanta. Everyone who is worth knowing will be there. They all use office supplies and the flood gates would be open. I offered to take a Top rep or marketing person with me. So far, no go.


Until you prove yourself, you don’t even get to park upfront. Even when it’s pouring rain and you just had your hair did at Van Michael’s. Is fabulous hair a right or a privilege? 


I understand and appreciate that this process has worked for many successful producers currently dialing for dollars at Dunder. I believe in the service and company too. What I don’t get is the resistance to other effective methods of sales. Maybe I need to work more on Mission Possible Monday?


Happy New Year my fellow Hebs. Always remember, you were chosen for a reason. 


Thanks for playing!

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You are SOOO Observant!?!

by SimplySharpe on September 14, 2009

Um, I can’t make this stuff up…

I’m shopping in Gwinnett County (yes, this could be root the problem) when all of a sudden I hear:

“You are SO Jewish!” says the adorable blonde girl browsing beside me at Francesca’s.


What gave it away? My incredulous sense of fashion, the two minute apology I provided the boutique owner after knocking some earrings off a display or just my overall awesomeness. 


Either way… I looked Blondie in her beautiful blue eyes, smiled proudly and responded, “Thanks. It’s fabulous, right?”


I am chosen for a reason.


Thanks for playing!


FYI and a Plea for Help

by SimplySharpe on September 7, 2009

I hate WordPress. My lack of posting over this long holiday weekend is directly proportional to my lack of love for WordPress.

If I am in fact “compromised”, may the hacker that has my site please format for me so that time zone does not randomly change, a much more efficient theme that is widget friendly (and remains PINK) is uploaded, font can be edited, I don’t have to not approve several spam comments and the list goes on.

Basically, if you are out there reading this nonsense and know where a girl can update the plugin for not needing to know code to write a blog… HOLLA!


The Follow Up Email

by SimplySharpe on September 4, 2009

This is a real email. I changed the names of the ridiculously amused. This was sent out as a follow up to yesterday’s urgent birthday cake incident. Not by the HR Manager who caused aforementioned incident, but by Mr. Fix It.

Subject: upcoming birthdays


As our records show we have several upcoming birthdays this month. (The DJ has one today!!!, 12th,14th a double on the 17th, and one on the 22nd, Da Man has one on the 15th 3 on the 18th and one each from the 23rd till the 27th, just as examples. Please check you employee calendar to see all listed birthdays. I think we should get together to celebrate The DJ’s 138th today. Vinings grill 5:30?



Well played Mr. Fix it.

Please include me in your next round of office-capades! I work for Dunder Mifflin. Life would not be so funny if we did not have an occasional episode at the Office.


Another Random Disclaimer: This was not my Office. To date, nothing this funny has ever happened in my place of BIZNESS! I only write true stories on here. I promise to change names or assign nicknames when necessary. If you feel this is too much, turn me down. 


Office Space

by SimplySharpe on September 3, 2009

This may be one of the best office stories I have heard in a while. Sadly, it’s not even mine to tell.

Clearly, not going to stop me.

Imagine you work in an office with 12 people, give or take an IT nerd. You would probably know your team members pretty well, right? Maybe play some fun little pranks on them like turning the display setting upside down for one of the non nerds. Whatever. It’s small and you get to know people.

One random Wednesday afternoon, the Financial Director calls the group into the conference room for what sounds like an urgent meeting. You rush in to the room with your team and find a big birthday cake (candles included) for the CEO.

Then he rushes in to find the team ready to sing him a round of Happy Birthday.

Boss: Um, it’s not my birthday?

Financial Director: Oh, it’s tomorrow then?

Boss: It’s not even this month.

Team: (awkward silence followed by fits of laughter as the CEO exits stage left)



Addicted to the Noise

by SimplySharpe on August 29, 2009

I probably should not post anything given my current state of mind (lost), but I am breaking habits hard and fast. Watch out world. You have been warned.

I generally admit to addictions at my convenience. Right now, I am coming clean about my social media obsession. I have been without Twitter during the day due to new employment and some upgrade delay. I just read about DJ AM about an hour ago and decided to log into MySpace (a rare occurrence these days) to update my profile song. At the very least, you must admit MySpace was the forefront of music media scene.

I’m tired of Twitternerds talking smack about MySpace. When everyone left and went to Facebook I bitched about it. Now that everyone is on Facebook, I still find something to complain about. I feel all these Facebookers are making up for lost MySpace time or lack of Friendster experience.

While I may have taken down some of the old “digital dirt” in my portfolio, I still write behind the scenes.

I am and forever will be, addicted to the noise. It makes life sound better and you can expect more where this came from.

My current profile song DJ AM “Attention Deficit” is what life sounds like when you have that much talent.

RIP DJ AM. Thank you for making an impact in this world!

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Today is the Day…

by SimplySharpe on August 12, 2009

I met Michael Kors.

That’s all.


The Stitch-N-Bitch

by SimplySharpe on August 11, 2009

My Grandmother has been trying to teach me to knit since I was a little girl. Unfortunately, I did not take her up on the offer until she was blind in her right eye (cataracts) and the Alzheimer’s is in full effect.

Yeah. I’m a pretty shitty Granddaughter. 

I have learned a lot from looking back and call them often. I do my best rendition of communicating with deaf people while anyone within earshot wants to punch me. Deal with it. 

This is about knitting anyway, not bitching. Sort of. 

Now that I have this urge to learn how to knit, I needed to find someone to teach me. I certainly have got some free time with the whole unemployment situation. I have tried to learn a lot of things during this hiatus. Knitting was one of the first on the list. So, I started asking everyone I knew who may be interested or already know how to knit. 

Turns out very few friends do. Nor do they care.

I was directed to a place in Va Highlands but constantly told how expensive it is. Expensive hobbies and no income are not a good match. Ever the crafty girl, I went to Michael’s in search of hope. I bought a book and made a few tragic knots. 

I needed a Grandma! 

One random Wednesday night, I attended the Atlanta Bloggers meeting and a new face was in the group. She wanted to learn about WordPress and that night our meeting was held hostage by an iPhone guy. The Organizer of the group had to miss it and he was ready to unleash all his iPhone information to the world.


Since he could not hold the groups attention, we began having individual conversations. According to my husband I started to facilitate and iPhone guy was forced to stop pushing his tunnel vision on us. Not how I remember it, but whatev.

The new face was not just any blogger, she is a knitta de jour! Her name is Foxy G and we decided to meet up outside of the group. She has been in Communications for years (an industry I would give my PC to be in) and offered some help on my resume. I have a flare for accessorizing and offered some help with photo shoots.

Never underestimate the power of connecting, even if you have to call it “networking”.

Her blog is entertaining and informative. I am inspired by her writing and her knitting. We both share a love for TAB and a dislike for inefficiency. 

One day we were emailing about our next get together and she called it a “stich-n-bitch”. I absolutely love the term and we try to schedule on every other week. I have started to make something that resembles a pattern and we have had some really fun photo shoots.

If you don’t have a stitch-n-bitch friend, you need to get one! 

We stich-n-bitch for hours on end. It’s cathartic. Sometimes we don’t even bitch we just talk about life and come up with funky names for her fabulous treasures which you can find on Etsy (one of the coolest sites EVER). It’s creative collaboration with a click of knitting needles. 


knitta with attitude

Disclaimer:  No iPhones were harmed during the Atlanta Blogger meeting or writing of this post.


Please Stop “Pitching” Me!

by SimplySharpe on July 28, 2009


I am a writer. At heart and at the very least on Myspace (holla). 

I observe and report. Although I appreciate all of these lovely stories about colorful characters that enter your lives, I am not lacking original ideas. I have been silent due to current state of employment, not creative energy.

If you promise to stop regaling me with “what I should write about”, I promise to come back and entertain with Random Fabulousness. I miss my old blog too! I guess I am ever the Aquarius to take down a couple years of posting because some girl commented about my flabby arms (which are toning quite nicely thanks to her motivation). 

I have thicker skin and waterproof mascara. No more tears for fears!