My First Mother’s Day After Pregnancy Loss: Lived to Write About It

by SimplySharpe on May 12, 2013

Today was hard. I refused offers to hang out with good friends so I can be home with my husband, prepared to cry all day.

I didn’t cry all day–that’s the good news–I still cried a bit, but that was to be expected.

on being strong

I used to feel bad on Mother’s Day because I rarely get to go “home” to FL to spend it with my Mom. Now that my Grandma has passed, I know my Mom has her own pain on this day. This year, I felt pain worse than any other.

Last week, I suffered my second pregnancy loss in a year. As much as I want to be a Mom, my body is fighting against me. This was supposed to be our year. My first child was due in January. I had almost started to recover from the depression after that loss, when we were dealt an another difficult hand–our second child was not going to join us either.

Why me? Why anyone? Why does this happen? WHY?!WHY?!WHY?!

I don’t have any answers. Doctors generally don’t even do any testing until after your third loss. Pretty crazy considering there are some simple blood tests that can be done these days.

Miscarriages are too common. In fact, my Mom had three before having me and my two brothers. I wish more people felt comfortable talking about this topic. Personally, I’m not that comfortable with it because I feel like people expect me to soldier through. I’m doing my best–and by that, I mean I get out of bed every morning. If anyone understood how hard that really is right now, I would get some sort of medal for it. Or cookies. I like cookies.

I can say what gets me out of bed are the people who have been so selflessly here for me: My husband, my family, and my friends. I’m truly blessed by the people in my life. The outpour of love and support keeps me going, even though I also feel the pressure to put on a happy face. Sometimes I smile even when I don’t want to or when someone says something painful (like all the happy Mother’s Day wishes I got). There will always be well-intentioned people who say the wrong things at inopportune times. There is no handbook on how to handle this. Maybe I will get inspired and write one? A very tongue-in-cheek one–perhaps my next blog post? 😉

For now, I just hope that women who have also suffered a loss, or those who are struggling to get pregnant, have made it through this Mother’s Day knowing that they are not alone. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to. I’m here and I understand.

xoxo,

Marisa

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